I've been reading around blogs, and it gots me thinkin. 

I'll never have the balls to major in engineering or photography. 

I love calculus, I really do. It's comprehensive and constantly applicable to the real world, and quite often I catch myself thinking about how our entire surroundings were created with calculus. Engineers create everything, but with rates, maximums, minimums, and all the other mathematical factors that really become important, it's kind of mind boggling. Without calculus, our planes wouldn't work, there is just so much math involved in flight. The slopes on the roads, the angles, if you are just off by the tiniest bit, people can die. Peoples lives start to become more objective, yet precious at the same time. Just like that, someone is gone, because of a human mistake, and because of math. The repercussions are so extensive, the chain reactions from just one person. 

Everything begins to connect at this point, and it is kind of scary. 

Photography, or any art I would think, you constantly have to accept your own dissatisfaction, which is just so hard. I feel like if over achievers try this out, they'll never be happy with what they do, which is extremely discouraging and just fucks with their mind. Ever since middle school, everyone has told me to do art in college, or 'be an artist when I grow up,' and after several months of thought, it's just not going to work. It's so easy for everyone to say it will be easy, but it's not. I need to be challenged in school and do the better work, and any sort of art major or class I just know will be too psychologically straining. Always have to be better, push yourself more, there's much too many forms of 'good work,' so where is there to go? If everyone around you sucks, what motivates you then? You're at the mercy of basically pure opinion, and everything becomes tangible. And what about the other shit stirring inside of you then? Where's the happiness in this ferocity?

& I just really hate the art quote bullshit. 

You don't speak for your work or practice; it speaks for you.

I realized last night that generally, the one thing that seems to be the most attractive about me to people is that I think. I'm not trying to make a point about myself though. It makes them think, and they like it. But isn't that sad? After a while, it always dies down, I guess they thought enough, or conclude that too much thinking makes me crazy. It's so sad. 

Everyone has so much potential, that is so so sad.