I just downloaded some Atlas Sound and finished doing the dishes and laundry. Things seem really nice now, definitely better than yesterday. I haven't been on the computer much this past week, so I think it's appropriate to update this blog.

Around two weeks ago my family situation was going nuts. It would make sense to be private and secretive about it, yet I feel no need to do that because it causes me great amounts of frustration. My parents are divorced, so I have to live between two houses, switching on a weekly basis. My dad's place just feels so utterly temporary, a mere house and nothing more. There is absolutely nothing to do there except go on the laptop or watch the big television, the latter of which I do not enjoy doing. My room always smells like cat litter, and I think my father hates like how I don't like his house. It is cold, barren, and he is never happy. My mom's place feels more like home, yet her and Wayne are constantly fighting; furniture gets broken, tears roll down, and I am constantly brought in the middle of it. The family at that home is always up and down and crazy and nuts and there have been several times where I completely lost it, due to built up aggravation. It's hard to be so angry when everything is so low and knowing everything will be so up and forgotten.

Many events have happened these past two months, screaming in my face and telling me how important it is to get the fuck out, and away from everyone. I desire so much to have a simple sort of peace, in my own sort of home. To lay on the floor, sprawled and stretched, windows opened, chimes softly ringing, records playing, candles dispersed around and aflame. I can smell sweet smells, hear sweet sounds, and feel sweetly, softly. To be subtle.

jon returned to Florida at midnight on Friday the 24th. On Saturday we hung out with my brother and saw Star Wars episode 1 in the ridiculously cozy back room of my grandma's house. She fed us delicious and nutritious meals, and we laid around with the quotes and giggles. Sunday was lazy and lovey and beachy and I could not have wanted it more. Monday I decided to take us to the Keys, and I actually took photographs this time! No, actually we took photographs. Pennekamp was disappointing and the seafloor was far too rocky. But I loved driving around there, it's the kind of area that makes you want to go forever. Two years ago, I discovered a secret cove in some neighborhood; this polaroid doesn't do it justice, and it's sister was either sent in a letter or lost in a book.. but that light still brings memory.



We went there; it was one of those perfect spaces in time where everything is perfectly placed and happening just the way you think it should be. Tuesday consisted of lots of nothing, walking around the swap shop with my best friends, swimming in the ocean, slapping bellies, and ending the night with a Gogol Bordello show that could have been substantially better if: the band booked a different venue, jon didn't forget his shoes, and my father did not send me a storm of voice mails and all caps text messages over nothing. Wednesday brought more nothingness, even though we agreed on loving doing nothing (which plays a big part) but regardless. I took him to this park in the middle some neighborhood in Ft. Lauderdale to see the pretty water, lay on the edge, and watch boats and each other.

It was sort of a beautifully sad way to end our nothing. Driving to the airport, we went through the tunnel and he screamed at the top of his lungs. I really did love him then.

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I'm dangerously poor now, and all I can bring myself to do is browse the depths of tumblr, read quotes from Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close and Everything is Illuminated, eat yogurt, and perform house chores.

Next Tuesday I leave for Connecticut, James is going to be in town for two or three days when I get back (haven't seen that dude in two years!), and a week after that, the fall term starts.

This summer has been furious, the best I can remember.